Ig Nobel 2013

"Science that first makes you laugh, and then makes you think": this is the motto for the Ig Nobel prizes, which spoof the much more serious Nobel prizes.

The tradition involves giving odd but valid scientific studies prizes. And while many of the winners are for things that seem hilarious, the science is done with a purpose.

Some winners, past and present, have included:

• Ponytail physics, where the winners produced an algorithm for determining the shape of a ponytail based on hair type, thickness, etc.
• A great way to collect whale snot, where scientists used a mini-coptor with a petri dish to hover over a whale's blow-hole to collect exhalation samples (for analyzing the health of the whale, of course; what else would you use whale snot for?)
• Teen repellent, or a type of particularly annoyingsound that teens can hear but most adults cannot
• Management probability, in which scientists determined that a company's efficiency could be improved by promoting people at random
• Dissolving shrew bones by stomach acid, in which scientists swallowed boiled shrews whole and then analyzed the, er, results to see which bones dissolved and which did not

This year's winners can be found here.

What candidates would you nominate for an Ig Nobel award?

Sharknado: Heckle Heaven

Last week, I finally got my chance to see Sharknado.

It was exactly as advertised.

Case in point: One of the major early features of the movie is the fact that "a hurricane is striking California for the first time." If this movie coincided with reality, this would actually be more or less true, as storms of that caliber formed in this part of the Pacific move West, away from the Southern California shore. There really haven't been tropical cyclones hitting that particular part of the US, because wind and the motion of the Earth and the cold California waters all say "no."

But don't worry, weather sticklers; the hurricane is only present for about 1/8 of the shots, anyway. In the rest, it's a either a mildly cloudy day, or if the sky isn't in the show, downright clear and sunny (you can tell by the golden light and the strong shadows).

For a detailed plot summary, go here,
where I got this screenshot.
Also, you can't see them, but this bus is surrounded
by giant sharks. Because, that's why.

Of course there was quite a bit of gratuitous shark. After all, it's Sharknado. There are sharks found only in warm Atlantic waters storming the Pacific coast from the West and mixing freely with sharks found elsewhere. The sharks only eat humans, target humans, and go after humans, in a complete and utter reversal of actual shark taste and biology (very few species will eat people; we taste bad. Most will let go after a single bit.) And then there's the rather obvious flip-of-the-bird to every kind of physics and biology, such as when a 10-foot shark repeatedly swims out from behind a 3-foot-wide door, like a psycho in a horror film with access to a dimensional portal.

One of these hats.
You can get them here.

This was all before the sharks became airborne. And I haven't even mentioned the ridiculously inconsistent water levels yet... Like the house that floods from the inside until it collapses and sends water streaming down the hill, or the  giant hammerhead sharks swimming around in about 18 inches of water.

There was so much gratuitous shark, in fact, that at one point after the sharks started flying, someone began throwing a shark hat into the air, and it took me a moment before realizing the hat wasn't part of the show. In fact, it wasn't until the shark was thrown a second time that I was sure. This despite an obvious "something in front of the screen" shadow.

On the whole, I'd say this is pretty much exactly what it set out to be: a horrible, terrible, spectacularly funny fail of a disaster movie. From shallow romances that don't even follow their own logic (Wait, are you the father's girlfriend, or the son's?), to chainsaws and sharks that swallow people whole, to random rappelling-down-to-save-the-obligatory-children-who-mysteriously-disappear-to-safety-afterwards, to sharks who do everything from breathe air, fly, and climb ropes, it's a movie 100% made for heckling.

The poster was right. Sharknado, enough said.

Wednesday Writing Exercise: Fancy Rides

Your character has some form of transportation. Maybe she walks, maybe she rides a horse, maybe she takes a horse and buggy or a royal carriage. Or, maybe she actually drives a car.

What are your main characters' dream rides? Choose their typical mode of transportation and offer them the fanciest version they could imagine. How do they react?




Ex:
Norita found the pair of shoes under the bridge. Beautiful boots, with soles of sturdy, dark green leather that would withstand any amount of hiking. Traces of gold on the inside of the cuffs showed a soft fabric lining them, and scrollwork in the leather etched the impression of wings. Boots like these would last a lifetime, and were worth their weight in silver.

"No thanks," Norita shouted at the woods. Tossing the boots rudely back into their nook, she hmphed and tossed her hair. "Stupid elves," she muttered. "They're not catching me that easily."

Moment of Remembrance

It's been a sad week for authors who keep in touch on the blogosphere. We've lost two people who have consistently gone out of their way to help developing writers.

Ann C. Crispin

Ann C. Crispin, of Writer Beware, passed after a battle with cancer. She devoted years of public awareness to help writers avoid being scammed. Countless authors owe their continued financial security to her warnings: because of her efforts and those of her colleagues, they know what to look for to avoid being bilked for thousands of dollars.

Carolyn Kaufman

Carolyn Kaufman, of QueryTracker, passed after suffering an aneurysm. Her blogs helped writers improve their craft and approach writing as a career, inspired hope, and welcomed new writers to the community.

Thanks to both of these amazing women for all they've contributed. I, for one, am grateful to have known their work.

Publishing Industry News

Publishing news and industry blogs for 8/24-9/6/2013. Not a terribly busy week--I think most Americans, at least, spent too much time nursing sunburns after Labor Day to make too much news.

Publishing News

Spectacular Solutions and Balboa Press hit the Writer's Beware page, as does Sandpiper Publicity.

Hey, wouldn't it be cool if you could get the e-book cheap when you bought a paper and ink book? Well, Amazon's MatchBook is making that finally happen.

Remember hearing about how careful you have to be about FaceBook promotions? They've amended their official policy, in ways that will make authors much happier.

Both Amazon and Overstock have filed suit in the Supreme Court to stop the ruling that would force them to collect sales tax for online sales to New York. American BookSellers Association responds to this with a cheeky note, taking Amazon to task for claiming to support online sales tax.

In the Apple vs the DOJ case, the DOJ lightens the injunction against Apple, after telling Apple to put their objections in an itemized list (more or less). Macmillan has to wait the longest (4 years) to renegotiate its deals with Apple, but at least they're renegotiable, instead of terminated, right? Meanwhile, in the settlements by the publishers, refunds for e-books rise.

Google and the Authors' Guild are still going at it, eight years in, on the Google bookscanning case. (Quick refresher: Google scanned library books for its Google Books project. The Authors' Guild says this violates copyright. Google Books says that it counts as fair use. There's a lot more to it than that, but we'll stop there.)

Amazon and Kobo both release new version of e-readers.

Figshare launches a platform for colleges to host academic research and make it available, citeable, searchable, and basically discoverable.

This year's Hugo Award Winners are out.


Industry Blogs

QueryTracker's Publishing Pulse for 8/30 and 9/6.

Nathan Bransford's Last Few Weeks in Books for 8/26.

Getting bullied on GoodReads? Heard about an incident where an author decided not to publish? Writing on the Ether discusses what really happened and talks about bullying, GoodReads, and escalation.

Publishers Weekly takes a look at Kobo's relationship with the American Booksellers Association, one year in. Also, GalleyCat offers a guide on how to buy from your local indie bookstore through Kobo.

And a brief look at current book-buying behavior, again by Publishers Weekly.

Speaking of which, how many e-books have been self-published on Smashwords? Now over 250,000.

About to launch a book? Jared Dees posts a nice guide for getting the word out.

What we missed: Dragoncon Cosplay

From 2009, the last year I got to go.

Cosplay: It's when fans of a show dress up as characters of the show.

Dragon*Con: One of the biggest sci-fi/fantasy/geek conventions in America.

Cosplay is an art form. And if you want to see it at its best, attend a fan convention. Sadly, I missed Dragon*Con this year, but here's a couple of links for this year's Cosplay galleries:

CNET's cosplay gallery
Geeks of Doom
io9's Cosplay gallery

I won't say much else, because seriously, you'll waste enough time admiring the artists' works.

Dibs on the table!

Dibs: the concept that what you claim is yours because you said you wanted it before anyone else did.

Commonly used as:

"Dibs! I saw it first!"

or

"I've got dibs on the blue chair."

Of course, calling dibs is usually informal at best, childish at worst, so it's not something you'd do in front of your boss. But it implies a level of camaraderie, and a willingness to uphold loose verbal contracts; calling dibs means you trust those around you to respect your claim.

It's a clear statement of intent, too: "I want this." But because it's so casual, it's not often taken seriously.

If a character declares dibs on something, you expect that the thing desired is not of vital importance. Villains might call dibs on inappropriate things--calling dibs on a romantic interest, for example, clues you in the character thinks of the person as a trophy instead of a person. It's also a way for a character to both hide and reveal a true desire: by trivializing the object of interest, it seems as if it holds less importance than it really does.

Have you read any characters who call dibs on something lately? What did they call dibs on, and what does it say about how they feel about the subject of the dibs and the people around them?