Friday, July 19, 2013

Confession? My terrible secret

I have a confession.

You will probably think less of me for it. You probably should think less of me for it.

You see, I like terrible SyFy movies. The worse, the better. It's my pocket addiction, my guilty pleasure, and one I indulge in less now that I no longer have cable (although Netflix fills the gap).

We're talking entire Saturdays with bad movies running in the background as I write, or late nights when I'm too tired to think and too tired to sleep staring at the TV with probably same the horrified fascination as that drives people to watch those spectacularly bad reality TV shows--you know the ones.

Sometimes it's the "science" that leaves me rolling off the sofa holding my sides. Other times, it's the acting, the special effects, or just the unapologetically ridiculous plot. And of course there's the monsters/disasters themselves, strung together by bad luck and an assortment of TSTL (too stupid to live) characters.

This is why I'm somewhat disappointed I missed the Sharknado premiere. But don't worry; I plan on seeing it as soon as I have time and it's on Netflix or the SyFy website.
There. I've admitted it. I've made my confession and you all are laughing at me now, because you have much better taste.

But that said...

What's your favorite terrible movie? What made it so fantastic/ terrible/ hilarious? 

And what terrible movie would you write, if you could write one?

(I claim dibs on "The Time Rabbit" and its sequel "Bunnisaurus," in which a meteor hits time itself and splashes into it, trapping the hero and his ex-girlfriend into bodies of bunnies and sending them back into the Jurassic, where they must fight dinosaurs... as bunnies. After which, when they have returned to present and become human again [and following a breakup of the relationship they repaired in the last movie], the bunny-bodies [due to leftover ripples in the time waters] begin slowly turning into dinosaurs and must be stopped before they destroy the city. 100% bad science and cheesy tropes guaranteed. SyFy, I'll let you have the idea for the low-low price of $5 million USD, or just $5 and a promise to have a bunny out-hop a pyroclastic cloud at least once.)


  1. Plan 9 From Outer Space, 'cause it was my first bad sci-fi movie. Aliens land on earth and start resurrecting the newly dead as vampires-zombies. The vampire-zombie-zombies bite people, kill them, and make more vampires. The aliens are doing this to stop humans from making a doomsday weapon that would destroy the universe.
    The gravestones are tiny pieces of cardboard that get knocked over as the actors run through the graveyard.
    The image of a vampire holding his cloak over his face? That's from Plan 9. Bela Lugosi, who was playing the lead vamp, died shortly after filming began. They didn't have enough money to re-shoot the scenes he'd been in, so they hired another actor who was much taller and didn't look anything like Lugosi. In a vain attempt to hide that, they had him cover his face with a cloak in all his scenes.
    And it's so full of quotables, too. "You! Humans! Are idiots!"

    1. You know I've somehow never seen that one? It's a crying shame. I'm going to have to buckle down and watch it, because I've got to see this hilarity in person.